No matter how you may want to believe otherwise, the end of relationships is not always easy, sometimes even when you have no feelings for your partner. It becomes even more difficult when you really love such a partner, and that is why it is often hard to move on even when all your senses are encouraging you to.
Research by Arthur Aron, a psychologist, revealed that when people are in close relationships, they become intertwined with their partner’s self. This means that they begin to think of their romantic partners as part of themselves. This mixes up a lot of things for such persons, ranging from character traits, emotions, memories and identity.
This explains why you may find it hard to move on from your ex even if you should. Staying with someone over a period of time will naturally make you to develop affection for that person. Even animals are able to create such relationships.
Some Important Reasons Why You Find It Hard Moving From Your Partner
1. The thought of your ‘investments’
Just as in business, good relationships thrive on investments of time, energy, and even finance. The more you plan, invest well and take advantage of opportunities, you will likely get the desired result. Now that is the point. You may be telling yourself, ‘did I just inject years of waiting and spending and sacrifice for nothing?’
Well, these are very genuine questions to ask. But you cannot keep holding unto that. Life happens. If you have a genuine reason of ending your relationship then you have to move on. Consider all that happened as a lesson for you. You are now better equipped for your next relationship by what you have learnt from the former.
You are also in a better position to counsel others. It does not matter how far you have gone. If the risk of going back to your ex is greater that the reward, run and don’t look back. Everything lost can be regained. It’s just a matter of time.
2. What will people say?
Check this out! After he has carried me in his car to the best relaxation spots in town, after he showed up on my birthday and bought a beautiful cake for me, after our photo on instagram and Facebook had one thousand likes and comments, after introducing him to my family.
We broke up two months ago and nobody knows. How do I tell people? What will they say? I can’t move on!
This is the voice of someone who is finding it difficult to move on because of what people will say or think about her. She prefers to go back and manage their ex in order to maintain what is perceived to be ‘perfect.’ This is wrong.
The moment you begin to do things to please people, you will completely not have a life. Just know what is right and do it. If it is right to move on, MOVE ON! People’s noise will fade with time.
3. The resurgence of your emotional memories
Even the muscles in the human body create memories when someone works. When someone is in an emotional relationship for an extended period of time, such memories are created as well. Belinda Ginter, an emotional kinesiologist said special moments like your first date, important places you visited, songs, and movies you enjoyed together all create emotional memories.
A breakup may give one the impression that he has been torn from the things he loved. Those memories may hinder you from moving on from your ex even if you should. It takes a conscious effort to move your thoughts away from those things and focus on the future ahead.
4. The deep craving of your partner from your brain
Love actually fills the brain with what we call ‘feel-good hormones.’ Sex further paints the brain with bonding hormones. According to Bustle, these hormones are said to reward the pleasure centers in the brain in the same way drugs do.
When a person that has been intimately involved with his partner breaks up, it becomes very difficult to get over these feelings because of the hormones involved. You will need to give yourself time to adjust.
Journal of positive psychology discovered that it takes about 11 weeks for most people to recover from a breakup. Give yourself time to heal and move on.
5. Maybe they will come back. Maybe it can still work
When you are not certain, you will find it difficult to move on. You may have had issues with your ex a couple of times and still came back together. This could be the reason why you are still holding on till now.
Well, things like this happen and it works for some people. If it works for you, fine. Next time, just make sure you work on yourselves and define your relationship goals. Sinking in and out of relationships may do you more harm than good.
6. The Mr Right Factor
But wait! If he was actually Mr perfect or right, why did he leave? Maybe the problem was with you. In any case, there is a possibility you did not move on from your ex because you think he or she is the ‘Mr right’ and no one else can possibly replace him.
This is often not correct as many other persons can be compatible with you. Always remember someone out there could be better. Just give it time.
7. Use social media with caution
Social media has reduced social interaction to the click of a button. When you constantly monitor the activity of your ex on social, it will become hard for you to move on.
Your best option may be to end your relationship online as well. Social media is not a true representation of reality. People put their best self forward and keep the worse behind the camera. Beware of social media if you want to move on.
